


Homoerotic Vampire Make-Out Session

by phantasticphun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2015 Era (Phandom), Comedy, Established Relationship, Halloween, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Phil is dressed as a vampire, Swearing, tabinof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27258430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticphun/pseuds/phantasticphun
Summary: It’s October 2015 and Phil wants to indulge Dan in a little festive vampire roleplay. Dan seemed to like writing “The Urge,” after all.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	Homoerotic Vampire Make-Out Session

“Promise you’re not peeking?”

“I’m not peeking, Phil.”

Just to make sure, Phil makes a ridiculous sort of face.

“Okay, you’re definitely not peeking.”

Although his hands are covering his eyes, Dan’s face unmistakably scrunches up. He giggles, “What the hell does that mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” Phil responds, attempting innocence. 

Dan’s completely unconvinced. “‘Kay, bud.”

“I’m almost done…” He swings the cape over his shoulder and then clasps it in the front. “Alright, you can open your eyes now.”

Dan slowly removes his hands from covering his face and then blinks open his eyes. 

Phil strikes a ridiculous pose and bares his teeth. He fails at seductively wiggling his eyebrows and sort-of growls, “I’m _bloody_ hungry, and there’s one handsome meal in front of me.”

First, a sort of shocked, mouth-agape expression crosses Dan’s features and then a more prominent one: he cackles. Absolutely guffaws. Phil is wearing what Dan can only assume is his best vampire costume. It’s a button-up white shirt that hardly gets worn and black jeans. He’s pushed his fringe back into a messy quiff. With some kind of face paint, he has drawn blood dripping down his chin and dark circles around his eyes. To complete the look, Phil has definitely just stolen Dan’s very own vampire Halloween costume cape he’s worn a few times for the radio show and in videos. Upon further inspection, Phil’s wearing pretty much exactly Dan’s own silly vampire costume.

He’s still laughing. “Where are your sexy vampire fangs, babe? Aren’t you going to ravish and turn me? So we can live eternally together?”

Phil crosses his arms and huffs. “I thought you would like it. You wrote that vampire fanfiction for tabinof.”

Dan shakes his head fondly. “And you wrote about fucking Harry Styles coming out of your stomach, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“But mine was the _joke_ ,” Phil explains, apparently very serious about all of this, “Yours had all the death and feelings and... me pinning you to a tree and stuff.”

Dan rises from where he’s been sitting on top of the blue and green duvet. He’s grinning so widely and shaking his head, almost in disbelief of the conversation they’re having. He steps slowly towards Phil. “Yeah, yeah, you’re silly Philly, can’t take anything seriously, can you? Writing a joke when Dan’s the serious one. ‘Oh, _Dan_ ,’” he says, voice pitched higher, “‘You’re so worried about losing Phil. _The Urge_ has some serious feelings hidden deep inside of it.’ That’s what they’re saying, you know? They see worry. Fear. Love, platonic or otherwise.” He’s close to Phil now, pretty much nose to nose. “Homoeroticism.”

Phil cocks an eyebrow, now. “Dan?”

Dan smirks; he knows exactly how he wants to humor Phil, now. Maybe it’s all laughable, maybe most of the time he’d find it ridiculous to indulge in some festive roleplay and dangerous to cross their professional and personal lives like this, but maybe they can have a little bit of fun with it, too. Dan lets himself talk deeper, slower. “They see a version of you, sure. Always giggly. Always so, so dear. The human embodiment of sunshine, yeah?”

Phil smiles, awkwardly almost. “That’s the brand, I think? I mean, I think I’m pretty… _sunshiney_.”

“Ironic how a vampire can’t go out into the sun then, isn’t it?”

Phil rolls his eyes. “Oh, is that what all of this is about? Look, I’m not _that_ offended that you didn’t think it was as hot as I thought it could be. I know you’ve got that neck thing and together with what you wrote in tabinof--”

Dan presses a finger to Phil’s lips. “No, no, my sexy vampire lover,” his lips almost curl up into a smile listening to himself say something so absolutely corny, but he stops himself, finding he’s starting to step into his role here. “If you’re hungry,” he removes his finger and steps back, “Why don’t you take a bite from your willing victim?” 

“Because!” Phil says, “Because I was doing this for you and now you’ve, like, turned it so it’s all on me!”

“I know you like to bite me.” Dan taunts. “You’ve bitten me before. I’ve got pictures of the marks.”

Phil quirks an eyebrow. “Pictures?”

“You know I was kinky and taking pictures of everything early on.”

“ _Still_ kinky and Dan, where do you keep those pictures?”

“I’ll show them to you sometime.”

“I’d like that.”

“I know you would, you horny bastard. So why won’t you bite me now?”

“‘Cause that was, like…” he flails his arms, cape swooshing around, “sex! And I wasn’t dressed up like a _freaking_ vampire!”

“Nah, no vampires, but I’m dressed up like your pretty little kitten in some of them. Pinof whiskers and everything.”

“ _Shut up!_ ”

“Make me, vampire boy.” He crosses his arms and smirks.

Phil is suddenly awfully bashful. “I mean, I don’t really _want_ you to shut up. You know that.”

Phil is forever sweet but Dan’s still in the mood to play. “But I really do want to do this vampire thing,” he says. “So bite me.”

Phil sighs and a playful grin forms on his face. “Maybe in… a little bit?”

Dan rolls his eyes and pulls Phil close, grabbing him by the hips. He’s smiling, dimples deep. “Fine, at least kiss me now, idiot.”

“Alright,” Phil says and closes the gap between them.

It starts out slow and sweet, like most of their kisses do. They’ve been together for six years, now, and that has provided them with quite an amount of experience with each other. It’s not all frantic anymore, it’s comfortable, it’s ooey-gooey almost, and it’s so, so good. Then, Dan threads his fingers in the back of Phil’s dyed-black hair and they’re closer, so close.

They part and Dan mumbles, “I like your hair like this.”

“Well, I like your curls--”

“Yeah, and there’s no way in hell I’m allowing my hobbit hair to rein free--

“So we’ll keep our fringes for now.”

“Kiss me more,” Dan says and pulls Phil close again.

It’s a messy kiss and Phil is getting feisty, now, pushing Dan towards the wall. A vampire would do that, wouldn’t he? Push his boyfriend against a wall and take him like that?

Phil’s not really a vampire, though, and Dan pulls away and screeches as he half-trips over backwards because of a tripod on the floor. Dan grabs onto Phil before he can truly do any damage-- to himself, Phil, the tripod, the wall, or otherwise-- and steadies his balance. After his panic dissipates, he chuckles. “Well, I’m glad you’re taking control of me, you know, like a _real vampire_ ,” he smooths a hand over a not-fake-bloody part of Phil’s cheek and smirks, “but you want to get on the bed?”

Phil’s eyes go dark and he responds, “Yeah.”

Dan pushes them towards the bed and flops on his back, landing amongst pillows. “Oh, _Phil_ ,” they both know he’s being dramatic and ridiculous when he pitches his voice up, “I didn’t know those sharp teeth could be so damn… enticing.”

Phil rolls his eyes and chuckles lowly. “Not your best dirty talk, Dan.” He’s climbing on top of him, though, the cape draped over his form. 

“I haven’t had much experience with dirty talking the undead, you know.”

Phil leans down and pecks Dan on the lips. “Okay, but who is the one wanting to snog the undead vampire on top of him, now?”

“Me,” Dan says, a shit-eating grin on his face. “But I want to snog you every chance I get, Phil.”

“Even if I was really a vampire?” Phil leans in close and smiles, purposefully toothy.

“If you were a vampire, you know I’d let you turn me years ago,” Dan says like this is a perfectly reasonable thing that could happen. Dan strokes the nape of Phil’s neck. “I mean, it happened in like fifteen minutes in _The Urge_ if we’re still talking about what started all of this. I think we’d be a good vampy couple, honestly.”

Phil nods. “I’d spend a good few centuries with you, I think.”

“A few centuries? I’d _hope_ so. There’s a chance we could almost get there if we’re both, like, crepe-paper-skin old when we die. And vampires don’t age, right? I mean, I guess based on what media you consume they might. Anyway, in this hypothetical scenario, we’d have plenty of time for our homoerotic vampire make-out sessions and our kinky vampire sex where we drink from each other. Sounds nice.”

“Genuine question,” Phil says and then pecks Dan again, “Considering… our catalogue of sexual activities, do we drink each other now?”

Dan cackles. “Fuck off.”

Phil leans back and sits on his knees, bracketing Dan’s thighs. “What?! It’s a question. If you swallow--”

“Shut up!” And he’s laughing even more now. “Why can’t we just have some fun vampire roleplay without making it weird?”

“I don’t know Dan,” he shrugs, “but I think vampire roleplay by itself is weird, not to mention that it’s you and me participating in this vampire roleplay. And we’re pretty weird.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, and pulls Phil back down, nose to nose. “So what if it’s weird, I guess? It’s fun. So kiss me some more.”

“Alright,” Phil shrugs and dives in.

The tripod-tripping and then the talking threw them off any kind of rhythm they were gaining, so it starts out slow again. Little soft kisses with gaps and some giggling turn into something much more when Dan slips his tongue into Phil’s mouth and lets out a little noise.

Dan’s hands roam from behind Phil’s neck to the clasp at the front of his cape. It’s too much fabric, he decides, and he wants to see his deliciously devilish Phil without it. He tugs the clasp apart and throws the cape onto the floor.

Phil pulls away from Dan’s mouth to tease, “Undressing me now, hm?”

“Cape’s a bitch,” is what Dan manages to get out before he pulls Phil back down and continues to kiss with fervor (and tongue). 

They break for a moment to catch their breath, but soon enough, Dan thinks it’s time to move on to what he’s been thinking about this whole time

“Neck, neck, neck,” Dan pleads and pushes Phil’s head down.

“Gonna turn you,” Phil says, and Dan is perhaps too giddy that after all of this, how they’ve been half-joking and half-not this whole time, Phil has fully stepped into his role. Phil licks over Dan’s throat, over his Adam’s apple, and then makes his way to suck on a spot he knows is particularly sensitive where Dan’s neck meets his shoulder.

“Mmm,” Dan moans, “Oh, _Phiiil_ …”

As soon as he feels the vibrations from Dan’s voice, he stops his sucking and giggles against Dan’s neck. “Shut up! The neighbors are going to hear.” Well, he tried to be seductive for a second there, at least.

Dan looks down to where Phil is on his shoulder, now. “We hear them enough ourselves, yeah? Why don’t we give them a taste of their own medicine?” Then, suddenly, he’s loud and whiny again, “God, Phil, bite me. _Bite me!_ ”

And that’s exactly what Phil does.

It’s not something sensual. It’s not a scrape of some teeth and then sucking. It’s not even a softer, uniquely-Phil-sexy you’re-so-hot-and-I’m-nervous kind of bite. It’s not what Dan is expecting at all when Phil opens his jaw and snaps Dan’s neck.

“OW!” Dan shrieks and pushes Phil off. “What the _fuck_ was that?!”

Phil is giggling uncontrollably. “I bit you!” He says defensively. And well, he’s not wrong. He full-on bit Dan.

Dan brings his hand up to rub at the spot. “I thought you were going to give me a love bite! Like a hickey! I’m fine with some actual teeth but _holy fuck_ , Phil! Not that!”

Phil is still laughing. “Well, maybe that’s how vampires bite. You wouldn’t know.”

Dan cracks a smile. Softly, he responds, “You’re right. I guess I wouldn’t.”

They laugh and then smile with a sigh. 

“Can we at least have a good old fashioned Halloween snuggle?” Phil asks.

Dan snorts. “Didn’t realize that was a tradition. But sure. Let’s cuddle.”

They rearrange themselves. Dan wolf-whistles when Phil unbuttons the top buttons of his shirt and Phil just rolls his eyes and flops down onto Dan.

“Why did I think this would get you hot and bothered?” Phil asks, mumbling against Dan’s chest. His fake-blood is probably getting on Dan’s tee but neither of them can be bothered to care right now.

“Well, it did, sort of,” Dan shrugs. “I definitely thought we could make it hot.”

Phil looks up and grins. He knows Dan wants to say something else. “And?”

“And it bothered the fuck out of me when you took a hearty chomp of my neck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: [@PhantasticPhun](https://phantasticphun.tumblr.com)


End file.
